Steve, Ketchup and National Security

We have a cupboard in our kitchen that is to the left of our sink over our microwave. With all the glassware we have, you’d think we’d put it to good use. That’s not the case. At the present time, it holds in addition to the dog’s heartworm pills, mostly junk. Every month when I open it to find the dog’s heartworm pills, stuff falls all over me, mostly ketchup packets. I hate those little packets raining down on me, so I seldom open the cupboard.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, my husband hoards those little ketchup packets. You know, the ones that come with fast food. There are tons of them. It does me no good to toss them, because more of them appear.

Steve is a sensible man. I can’t imagine why he hoards these things, unless he knows something I don’t.

He’s been to the Army Medical Service Corps basic course, the Army Chaplain basic course, the Army  Chaplain advanced course, and the Navy Chaplain basic course. He’s got the Marine Command and Staff college under his belt. He took a chemical and biological warfare class when he was in the Army and we’d returned from Germany. He’s finishing up a second masters’ degree in military history.

All I can think of is that eventually the dollar will devalue to the point where people burn it, use it for toilet paper, or paper their walls, and that we’ll need all these annoying little packets of ketchup…causing our own variation of what happened in Germany during the Weimar Republic.  I don’t know for sure. I do know that since Steve has hoarded ketchup packages for years,  that he doesn’t tie this with the current administration.  I keep imagining that as their military instructors are lecturing them, in military schools across the country, that the one constant in all of these classes is the admonition to hoard ketchup so they can survive when the dollar collapse.  He won’t confirm or deny this to me. However, he has a security clearance. He can’t tell me everything he knows.

All I know is that he hoards ketchup. I wonder. Will we have to pay for things in person with packages of ketchup, or will you be able to transfer it electronically like we do with our current currency? Will the government replace ketchup packages that have been emptied or destroyed, or will we be out of luck?

Will ketchup stains replace the red dye packets that explode in money that’s taken when people rob banks? What’s the logistics of carrying this stuff in purses and wallets?

I had a government job once. I didn’t have a security clearance. I did, however, have to sign something that said that I would not disclose information that I knew through my job. That was as far as it went. I didn’t have a real security clearance, so that may be why I don’t know anything. I was never privy to any real sensitive information, other than the fact, that because I worked for the organization that paid all of the Army’s commissary bills in the Midwestern US, that I knew that Oscar Mayer, at least in the late ‘80’s owned Jello. I used to make myself ill trying to figure out the WHYS of that possibility.  It still bothers me when I think about it. But now I’m concerned about more important things.  Will our world economy eventually run on the ketchup standard? And do we have enough ketchup packets to support us in our twilight years? If you’re another civilian, you won’t know, and if you’re a government employee I know you can’t tell me, or you’ll have to jail me for giving away state secrets. I understand completely. But that still doesn’t keep me from wondering.  So, every time those annoying little things fall on me, I dutifully stuff them back in. And I wait…wondering….



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3 responses to “Steve, Ketchup and National Security

  1. Pingback: Pondering the Imponderables of National Security Leaks and Condiments « Padresteve's World…Musings of a Passionate Moderate

  2. bill tyrrell

    Judy, God bless you for living with an obsessive-compulsive man!!! My wife Sunny could have written the same article, though not about ketchup packs… LOL bill

  3. Oh, my gosh. After days of listening to – well, all that stuff on tv and radio just now – this was refreshing and funny and strangely comforting. My mother prefers mayo and soy sauce packets herself, but perhaps there will be a currency exchange – two soys equals one ketchup.

    I found you through Steve’s blog and Alpha Inventions. I’m anxious to look around. I expect to find treasures other than ketchup 😉

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